17 Write a Wacky Test for Something You are Studying

Is Your Grandmother a Sea Turtle?

This just in. World Wildlife experts today again denied they have been involved in a species re-location program. Jane Wilder speaking on behalf of the group said that rumors that endangered species have been surgically altered to look like human beings and then taught to impersonate family members, is pure nonsense.

(Cut to picture of courtroom and Harold)

This did not stop Harold Hodgskins from claiming in court that his grandmother of eighty years is really a sea turtle from the Galapagos Islands. We at channel 5 news have consulted with experts to devise a simple test for you at home to take so that you can tell for sure whether your grandmother is who she says she is.

Is Your Grandmother a Sea Turtle? A special report.

(screen of the title)

1) Does your grandmother spend part of the year in a hot place like Florida?

(Sea turtles are cold blooded and cannot survive harsh winters.)

2) When at the pool have you ever seen her hold her breath under water for a long time?

(sea turtles can hold their breath for 8 hours)

3) When you look at her from the side can you see the lump

( signs of shell reduction surgery)

4) When at the beach does she sometimes dissapear behind the sand dunes for hours at a time. ( Mother Sea turtles lay their eggs behind the dunes and there babies hatch out and walk to the sea)

5) When you are playing on the beach does she seem to be overly protective when seagulls sour overhead?

( 90% of all sea turtle hatchlings are eaten by predators, No wonder she is worried about you.)

6) Does she frequent sea food restaurants with other suspected sea turtles her age

(Sea turtles have a varied diet some eat fish others sea grasses and plants)

7) Have you ever suspected that her teeth were not human,

(Sea turtles don’t have real teeth but more serrated jaws for eating fish or plants)

8) Does she walk slowly, one step at a time and stop often to sniff for predators.

(Sea turtles have sense of smell except when they are in the water. This leaves them more vunerable to attack outside the water)

9) Has she ever given you sardines or seaweed for your birthday?

( sea turtles eat a wide variety of things based on their species)

10) Have you ever found she has a hard time hearing you.

(Like all reptiles, sea turtles have one bone in their head that helps them to hear. Sea turtles seem to respond only to low frequencies.)

If you answered yes to at least five of these questions there’s a good chance your grandmother could be an a sea turtle. Experts recommend you treat her with respect and kindness because endangered species, like grandmas thrive when we show our love to them.

And for all of us here a World Wildlife News Good night.

Cut to studio

All the technicians are endangered species and the news announce pulls his head through a hole in a fake set. He is a sea turtle or some other endangered specie.

Barry Lane from 51 Wacky We-Search Reports

12 Write About a Memory about a Stranger You Met on a Trip

Shoes

You left the Ukraine in 1980

with nothing but the shoes

on your feet and a few rubles

and now you are

a millionaire again.

And when you returned

to see your family you found

they had named streets

after murderers and turned

the electricity on once a day

for 3 hours.

You live on a wealthy island now

but once you made 1000

pairs of shoes for the Soviet Economy

and 99,000 pair for your customers.

The lines stretched around the block

of your Kiev shop and when the last shoe

was sold your family had a pile of illegal cash,

So the party began.

And when I asked you

if today you invested

in the stock market

you looked at me quizzically

and said,

"What is stock market?

Stock is the shoes in my warehouse.'

And when you said that,

I thought about

how a happy life is

an investment of sorts,

and self knowledge

the main asset.

11 Write About a Time You Could Not Stop Laughing

7th Grade Truth

I never laughed harder

than I did in seventh grade

that time my best friend

Stuart Dunn and I

made fun of

our reading teacher

Mrs Dolson.

To this day,

I don't remember the joke

or why we laughed,

though it could have had

something to do with the corny stories

we read out of boring thick books,

or the reading machine

that made us track

sentences across the wall

without moving our lips

or turning our heads.

Laughter was release

from our 7th grade reading hell,

and our wild ,heaving, sobs

were the legs which fled

the dead questions

at the end of the chapter.

And decades later,

when I met Miss Dolson,

now a sweet old lady,

in the bank,

and told her I now was an English teacher,

she smiled blankly

and I felt a surprising shame creep

up my spine.

My life was a lie.

I should have been a comedian.

Write a Fashion Show Monologue for Something You are Studying

• And now direct from northern Italy and central Vermont we have marble.
• Sporting a calcite and dolomite crystal ensemble designed by Metamorphosis, the famous Greek designer, this marble carries a sleek limestone finish. Its sylish snow white color can fool you at first, because if you look closely, across the shoulders, you’ll glimpse tints of red, yellow, pink, and green caused by impurities in the stone but adding to its sheik beauty.. . Marble is often used to create statues and the columns of classical buildings. so don’t expect her to hang out in your neighborhood unless your friends with the Greek Gods

Barry Lane from his book 51 Wacky We-search Reports