Is Your Grandmother a Sea Turtle?
This just in. World Wildlife experts today again denied they have been involved in a species re-location program. Jane Wilder speaking on behalf of the group said that rumors that endangered species have been surgically altered to look like human beings and then taught to impersonate family members, is pure nonsense.
(Cut to picture of courtroom and Harold)
This did not stop Harold Hodgskins from claiming in court that his grandmother of eighty years is really a sea turtle from the Galapagos Islands. We at channel 5 news have consulted with experts to devise a simple test for you at home to take so that you can tell for sure whether your grandmother is who she says she is.
Is Your Grandmother a Sea Turtle? A special report.
(screen of the title)
1) Does your grandmother spend part of the year in a hot place like Florida?
(Sea turtles are cold blooded and cannot survive harsh winters.)
2) When at the pool have you ever seen her hold her breath under water for a long time?
(sea turtles can hold their breath for 8 hours)
3) When you look at her from the side can you see the lump
( signs of shell reduction surgery)
4) When at the beach does she sometimes dissapear behind the sand dunes for hours at a time. ( Mother Sea turtles lay their eggs behind the dunes and there babies hatch out and walk to the sea)
5) When you are playing on the beach does she seem to be overly protective when seagulls sour overhead?
( 90% of all sea turtle hatchlings are eaten by predators, No wonder she is worried about you.)
6) Does she frequent sea food restaurants with other suspected sea turtles her age
(Sea turtles have a varied diet some eat fish others sea grasses and plants)
7) Have you ever suspected that her teeth were not human,
(Sea turtles don’t have real teeth but more serrated jaws for eating fish or plants)
8) Does she walk slowly, one step at a time and stop often to sniff for predators.
(Sea turtles have sense of smell except when they are in the water. This leaves them more vunerable to attack outside the water)
9) Has she ever given you sardines or seaweed for your birthday?
( sea turtles eat a wide variety of things based on their species)
10) Have you ever found she has a hard time hearing you.
(Like all reptiles, sea turtles have one bone in their head that helps them to hear. Sea turtles seem to respond only to low frequencies.)
If you answered yes to at least five of these questions there’s a good chance your grandmother could be an a sea turtle. Experts recommend you treat her with respect and kindness because endangered species, like grandmas thrive when we show our love to them.
And for all of us here a World Wildlife News Good night.
Cut to studio
All the technicians are endangered species and the news announce pulls his head through a hole in a fake set. He is a sea turtle or some other endangered specie.
Barry Lane from 51 Wacky We-Search Reports